I hate this.
I hate not knowing what to say.
Too frequent too often,
It isn’t because I couldn’t care less.
It isn’t because you do not matter.
The only thing holding you back is yourself.
I’m afraid.
afraid to say the wrong thing.
I hate saying what people don’t want to hear.
I wan’t to be friends.
I can’t relive it.
I almost lost both of them.
Even now it hurts me.
I didn’t deserve her.
Its guilt.
So here I am again
At an all time low
I feel used and alone yet I allow it regardless
Night after night I break down in the oddest places and just cry over it all
It scares me how weak I really am
My whole life is built around my dreams and I pride myself upon the fact I don’t need anyone to help me in my quest.
Yet there are those few times when I wonder if I can keep this act up.
I’m hard and a closed book, yet I’m vulnerable.
I just don’t let anyone know.
My life is just about to begin and I just find myself trying to destroy my body physically
I am finished for now.
It seems I am too caught up to take even my own advice.
I am out of control and I’m scared.
So here I am again
Back at the beginning of the circle.
I didn’t realize just how circular it was.
The only way to escape it all for a little while
just a little while of peace
