Pictures of Passing Cars

9:05PM 

Right now I am so irrationally angry.

 I almost cannot stand being in my own skin

It was a slap to the face.

Those are my sanity sessions!!

9:20PM

Sometimes we want so much for something to be true that we will it to be true before we understand what it is. Then we settle for it. Even though we notice, later, that it’s not the truth.”

10:05

Crying.  I hate that word.

But it’s all I do these days.

It’s a love hate relationship.

This room feels like an oven

somewhere south of nowhere

north of nothing

My head’s so funny sometimes

whole days spent imagining my death

all the tiny details

what will it feel like the moment my heart stops

I’m curious to know

The only setback would be

I couldn’t tell you.

Maybe it would be be a beautiful moment

I’m always thinking

what if this moments my last?

Wheres the beauty in my line of vision?

Wheres the ascensin?

I get so scared,

so afraid there will be no loveliness.

Only the grimy hallways that consume my life.

No time to see all I need.

I won’t find my place

I think that sometimes,

Maybe you’ve seen me in one of those moments

moments of panic

I get desperate,

thinking about all of you

you’re all so close and I’m here

so far away

I’m sure you know who you are

its puts my soul in void for days.

I have these flashbacks

I see you splayed out on your drop cloths, making simplicity come alive

And you, with your unruly hair flying everywhere,

your hand on your hip with that triumphant gleam in your eyes

I see him walking towards my locker, my heart lifting seconds after I’ve almost given up

And also, you in your bedroom, Benjamin stumbling, laughing into your arms, so in love with you

And lastly, I see you sitting at the next table in advisory, so close, so unapproachable

and so gone.