it was a haze. his eyes, his voice telling me that i was becoming more attached as he was drifting away and he was scared. How different we were from 5 weeks ago. I couldnt see it though. A complete blur, a thick, thick haze fell as the walls closed in on me. the constricting walls came bearing down to stay. they’ve made their home in my heart and shut out all the sunlight. im dying slowly now. im getting closer, and the next time this bright contentness comes around ill be far too old for my liking and its all just too damn soon. im not ready yet, i’m just now discovering my ability to love. its like watching the best friend you’ve got walk away the whole time repeating they love you and would never leave you and your screaming like in one of those terrible dreams but nothing, not even a squeak will come out of your closed up throat. theres nothing you can do to stop them, theyre gone forever. something you held so close and so dear.. gone into the rest of everything. everythings blurry, and i feel uneasy…its that feeling you get when your12 and you find a shell on the beach covered with sand. you bend down to wash it in the waves and it gets swept away into the ocean with the seaweed. and your so upset because you know you can never get it back. but it was so glorious so totally beautiful that little shell in your life, its like the sun to your milky way galaxy. or the best most personal concert you ever saw… its your favorite thing thats ever come into your life and now its disapearing faster than you could possibly ever relize. haze. blur. fog.
As I pick
at the threads astray
of my shirt
I muse
ways to save you.
Would my voice
penatrate
your angry free
soul?
I love you
please listen
