The sky is blackening
In the dusky glow of twilight
The dregs of a day disintegrate.
A shadowy cloak falls over my world
And a somber silence presses into my ears.
Lights are ignited in houses.
Peculiar creatures lurk in the cavities of vulnerable imaginations.
But now that I am older
I can twist them into quirky beings that ward away the others
Their voices echo in my head
in my heart
resounding in a perpetual rythm.
Up and down
soft to loud
the pitch changing
rising and faltering
I hear the words
but faintly
as I focus
on one point.
An object
in the room
or of my surroundings
a vase
or a chair
maybe a flyaway speck of dust
all of them
swirling in the light
flickering
shimmering
almost like slides on a projector
then the sun moves behind a cloud
and the dust fairies become
once again
invisible
and my gaze slowly moves back to their
faces
their face
swimming in and out of focus
my eyes glaze over
my mind
seems to stumble and move backwards
in slow motion
but faster
my body goes numb
my feet don’t move
I am rooted
to this spot
so I gaze
at the floor
at my feet
my eyes traveling
over the cracks
between the floorboards
and I wonder
what it would be like
to fade beneath the floorboards
what would I find
millions more dust fairies?
performing in midair
dancing around my head
shimmering
taunting goodnaturedly
in the shaftes of light
that bleed
down from beneath the cracks
this is my heavan
no screaming voices filling my ears
controlling my mind
hammering at my heart
wondering when it will break
and burst open
the thought almost comforts me
the deperation of it all
as I imagine
but here I am everything
I am nothing
I am the only being here
apart from the dust fairies
but they are not beings
not really
for they live in between
sleepy fairy tales and yesterday’s light-hearted daydreams
But then I seem visible and fully here
for my shoes leave footprints
in the dust
marking the route I have chosen
but well
its not as if it matters
my awareness of solitude and deslolation is all that matters to me now
I cannot see the end
the end of this tunnel
this world
or me
the path ahead is hazy
but still I follow
the dust fairies
drifting over my footprints
concealing where I have tread
they are loyal
and I am at last
truly
happy.
